I Will Be Your Secret
by Stark Prince
Summary: A tale of love gained and lost. Kogan poetry


**I Will Be Your Secret**

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own _Big Time Rush_ or any of the characters

Words...

Words that I tell myself to go to sleep at night

Words that make me feel just a little less dead

Words that don't really matter... so why does it?

 _You have been mine ever since I wanted you_

I've lost myself within your green oceans long before you even knew

I've felt the stars move out of sync every time you touched me

Your smile, your laugh... I've memorized it all

I don't want to feel like this, not for you... so why do I?

 _Don't look at me too closely; these scars are mine to keep_

Little moments of hurt turned into hours,

Hours into days, days into existence

I kept looking to you, secretly hoping you knew somehow

How long has it been? I don't know

 _I keep this secret of mine closer than breath itself_

Thoughts of forever keep slipping through my head

Catching me in my moments of weakness, when I tried to be so strong

I saw you through glass, cursed to always see but never feel

Do you feel the same? No... Of course you don't

 _Stupid me_

Where I was, Hell was above me

Light and darkness, fire and ice

"Save yourself"

How? Will you be my angel?

 _I already know the answer_

It's not the rest of the world, it's just you

The others, they're just girls and boys, names and faces

But you – you stand there so proudly in my mind, above all else

Dare I?

 _It's now or never_

It rained that day, the opposite of a fairytale

You were so close, yet there was everything in between us

This was my shame, but you deserve to know

"Do you want to know?"

" _Tell me" you said. "I want to know."_

Words...

Little words that hardly take any time at all to say

Constructs from abstract, nothing too special

So why is there such meaning behind them? Why do I want to tell you? Why do I not want to feel like this?

 _I lay this truth between you and I_

"Why?"

"I wish I knew. I'm sorry."

The rain came without end, but I knew something that did

No going back, no running away

Even if it did heal, it's never the same

Say something? No? That's OK then...

 _Goodbye_

You took my hand in yours

You stopped time

You made me crumble before you

What do you want?

 _I'm not strong enough to see this through_

Words...

Language

Random letters strung together for meaning

Is this really happening? Are my ears deceiving me?

" _Let's make this work"_

I didn't believe it at first, even in the days after that rainy fable

You kept smiling whenever you hugged me

Your heartbeat was music

Was this real? I don't know

 _I don't care_

Fingers twined together as the lights went low

You crunching popcorn as you grinned at me

No candy could ever be as sweet as this

"What's going through your head right now?"

" _You" you whisper softly_

Black nights, white sheets

Red kisses, crimson bites

My favourite spectrum of affection begins and ends with you

No questions... just answers

 _You complete me_

Silver kisses, golden lies

Friction burnt in the space between our bodies

Your lips melted across my skin

I am yours, my king

 _Please don't turn me away_

Ivory bursts of ecstasy

Unseen breath gathers around us

There's a message being traced on me

Words... beautiful words...

" _I love you Logan_ "

There was so much I hoped for us

Flowers and sunshine, red wine and moonlight

Stain me, make me yours, I beg you

Colour me in whatever hue you want

 _This I ask of you_

I built dreams out of nothing

And to nothing would they crumble

"Logan... I can't do this anymore."

"What?"

 _Silence is the most deafening sound_

"Please don't go."

"I'm sorry, I have to. For both of us."

Months passed, but I still saw your face

You weren't there, but I had memories

I wondered where it all went wrong

Had I hoped too much?

 _Yes_

"Hi"

Coffee and biscuits, people ignoring us

But it's only you I see anyways

There's something you have... is it for me?

 _Especially reserved for me_

"Oh..."

"Yeah... look, if you don't want to... You're the most important friend I have."

Friend

Do I do this?

 _What's one more heartache?_

She's lovely in white, you're dapper in black

I shouldn't be here, and yet I am, standing behind you

I'm here for you, like you were for me

Like before, when we had our own little world to play in

Do you remember what I asked you before this started?

Of course you do, I can see it in your eyes

"You and I... it's over... it's been over" you murmured

I hoped to God you were lying, but I knew the truth

"No, I'm not ashamed."

Should I be? No

Does she know? No

Will you tell her? One day

Words... an exchange of spoken symbols

Roses in the air, cheers and tears across the crowd

A kiss to seal my fate and their happiness

"Don't tell her."

"What? Why not?"

Your eyes haunt me questioningly

You already know what I have to say, but you need to hear it to make it real

If I can't have you, at least grant me this

Give me the thoughts you hide away from yourself

Give me the truth you struggle to reveal to the world

Let me be your shadow heartbeat, that second thud only you can hear in the still of the night

Let me be your past as you sail so gallantly off into the future

When your destiny is lined with all the little things Happiness has planned for you,

I want to be the lingering ghost of a life once lived and a possibility pondered upon

Take me to your grave, even if you never see me again in this life

 _This is all I ask of you_

"Let me be your secret."

 *****THE END*****


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